My body in question

Things to talk about.

I only love my body at my home.  I try to prepare myself.  I look at my attractiveness, my beautiful unruly hair, my lovely curves.  I am not skinny.  Right now I'm not even very fit, although I know that is temporary.

But my curves are delicious and attractive.

I have learned to wear clothes that show my legs!  A huge step for me.

But as soon as walk out the door I become less in my own head.  Dowdy.  Chubby.  Thick waisted.

Less.

I am afraid to act as though I am proud or strong for fear someone will think I believe I am beautiful.

But I am.  I am beautiful.

I wish I could believe it and let go of the rest.

Sometimes I get really tired of the current American attitude toward bodies.
I just got thrown off FaceBook.  Again.  For this image.

Go ahead.  Tell me there are perverts out there.  I know.  Trust me, I know.  But this isn't where they are getting their jollies.  On my personal FB site that is so locked down on privacy that only my friends can see my pics.

And let's talk about the fact this image was reported by friend.  Because... why?

Tell me this isn't an image of just joy and innocence.  

Happy Birthday to sweet twins!

Moroccan Preserved Lemons--YUM!

Okay, a friend posted this from the great blog,  Nourished Kitchen , about making Preserved Lemons... I had to make them.  And after a super fun trip toSaraga Grocery.. . in which my kids saw all sorts of foods they had never seen... (those are NOT potatoes)

and I took a ton of iphone pics...

and got new holy candles... 

well.. Let's just say my kitchen smells GREAT... and my hands are really soft.  :)... now I have to wait 3-4 weeks to eat them.

Easy to make, sea salt and lemons( and/or limes).

How freakin' pretty is that!

In which I rant again and also post a naked pic of myself.

So I recently posted on FB this :


Ok my friends. It is time to just stop this business and freaking LOVE our beautiful bodies already. It is breaking my heart the way we (I include myself) beat up and insult ourselves. Repeat after me... my body is strong and beautiful and sexy. Now everytime you say in your head, "I'm fat" replace it with that.
Start-- NOW


So people respond like crazy... I know some of my friends think it was aimed directly at them, and certainly I was thinking of some recent conversations I had with woman... But this is an old refrain.  We hate our bodies.  Too skinny, too fat, too flat , too big.... now I like working out, I like feeling strong and healthy.  and I'm all about goals for strength and good health and good endorphins.
But this self hate.  It is terrible.  It is tragic.  I know woman of every shape and size... and they use terrible, cruel heartless words on themselves.  Words they would never use on anyone else.


Now I'm going to tell you a secret.  I love my body.  I love my rounded tummy.  My I'vehad5kids breasts.  My unruly hair.  My yogabutt. My pretty feet.  My small wrists. My ugly, capable hands.  My strong dimpled thighs.  I love how I smell, both clean and dirty.  I love the c section scar that means my fifth baby didn't die.
I photograph myself nude all the time.  I am unafraid to show those images because as an artist, I can see that they are beautiful and interesting.
I love this body... but I am also afraid to.  Afraid that if I become comfortable and happy in my skin I will become complacent.  That I will get fat and lazy and ugly and not know because I'm happy.
Ok.  How sad and sick is that?
I have DAUGHTERS.  I have a responsibility to treat my self image with joy.  Not disgust.
It's time to change.  It's time to walk confidently in my skin.  I'm ready, even if every day I have to remind myself to push out the cruel thoughts and replace with kind.
It is time.